She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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