the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
