I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
