plz talk dirty to me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
