The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
