i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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