she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
