I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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