while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
