Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
