Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
