I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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