The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
