Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
