If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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