You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
