No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
