I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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