i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
