Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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