i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
