It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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