At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
