you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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