ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
