I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
