is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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