I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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