Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
