Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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