if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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