I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
