Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
