Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
