i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
