gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
