I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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