he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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