thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
