Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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