One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
