I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
