how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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