we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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