I bet he comes in French.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
