Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
