just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
