she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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