I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
