I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
