i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
